Drunk Girls in Bar Bathrooms

Women, we are strange, beautiful, mysterious beings, and nowhere is this more apparent than out at a bar. Nobody can be more cutthroat than a girl at a bar, shooting daggers at you because you 1. Are younger 2. Are cuter 3. Aren’t a regular (girl, YOU DON’T BELONG HERE) 4. Look unassumingly sweet 5. Look assumingly slutty.

But then something strange happens in the bathroom.

That’s right, within the small confines of a public restroom, among spilled spirits, sprinkled urine, you enter into a Narnia-like land. The whole Outsiders territorial facade fades; the shrewd judgy eyes soften, and any thoughts of throwing a shoulder in front of her to catch the bartender’s attention vanishes. Now, you’ve entered into this strange, unspoken sisterhood, where your few minutes of waiting feels more like hours. Nobody is more sincere and downright profoundly heartfelt than a drunk girl in a bathroom. Here’s why we need to be more like them:

HONESTY

• You hated her guts for being the random girl brought to the party, but in the bathroom? Different story. Hair up or down? Is this lipstick too much? The drunk girl won’t hold back, but in the nicest way possible. Plus, your bone structure is seriously so perfect; and those legs? Where have those been hiding! Out of the bathroom? Good lord, who told her she could wear that dress?! 

HELPFUL

• Your hair fell out? Girllllll, I can scrounge up some bobby pins for you. Wait, don’t leave yet! Your eyeliner is smudged. Ohmygosh THANK YOU SO MUCH. No, really, thank you soooo much. Here, have the rest of my drink – and this taco I found in my purse. 

SHARING

• If you’re ever in a bind, you want a drunk girl at your side. She’s the first to slip a tampon under the stall, offer you a sip of drink, or give you a spritz of her perfume – after all, that’s what friends are for. 

PRAISE

• Yes, and lots of it. Like, really specific, over-the-top praise because you’re SO pretty. No really, like your hair is PERFECT. It’s like if Pantene and Victoria’s Secret angels hair had a baby who lived in a pool of coconut oil kind of perfect. The bathroom drunk girl is sure to put a little extra pep in your step and glimmer in your eye makeup.

Overall, you’ll never find more empowerment and support from anyone, and what’s so sweet about this divine bond is the selflessness of it all. A drunk girl in the bathroom just gives to give, not to receive; she doesn’t ask for nor want anything in return, and because of it, you can never repay her, but that’s okay. She’s the stranger you revealed your soul to, if only for a moment, and she cared. But just like that, she’ll be gone, a blurry if not forgotten confidant.

It’s fun to reflect to all the drunk girls in bathrooms I bonded with over the years, how I wonder what and where you are now. Are you still lifting up spirits of women in bar bathrooms? No matter what, just know that if the world was full of you, we’d live in a truly more wonderful place. Be more like the drunk girls in bar bathrooms.