Say What you need to Say

It’s more common than it should be. People are afraid to come out and say what they think. But as someone who has made a life of being blunt, I believe that this fear is displaced. Sure, I have upset some people by being as direct as I am, but I’ve also had as many people come back, in some cases years later, and thank me for being straight with them. They appreciated that I spared them the bullsh#*t, maybe not in that moment, but once they had time to digest what I actually said.

The prevalence of thinking it is bad to say something that is considered “negative” is not serving us well. We have confused being “nice” and “good” with being humane and honest. Of course, if you are going to be a mean, insensitive jerk, that is negative – and bad. But most of the time, we are not talking about being vicious. We are talking about giving people the information of a situation that they need to hear. Many times that situation simply means telling someone what we think or how we feel. How can that be bad? How are people supposed to understand one another or themselves without that kind of exchange? To me, not speaking up is what causes the real problem.

So, the first thing that can help is to focus less on the other person and his or her reaction and more on your own clarity. Figure out what you need to say and/or how you feel and say it straight, without emotion.

Then, it’s just a matter practice, knowing that you may have a few false starts. Do-overs are perfectly fine and acceptable. But if you scare yourself into never doing it, you will also never develop the skills you need to communicate openly and effectively.