An Honest Post About Self-Confidence
I feel like it’s a little ironic that I’m writing a blog post about self-confidence…again.
And that’s not because I have no self-confidence. Actually, quite the contrary. I honestly do believe I can achieve anything I truly want to achieve, and nothing is off limits. But my god, it’s so easy to forget all of that when I’m going about my day-to-day life. It’s so easy to let fear and self-doubt completely consume my thoughts.
This isn’t the first time I’m writing about self-doubt. Despite being surrounded by an overwhelming amount of evidence that I shouldn’t doubt myself, I still do. I let myself entertain the idea that I’m not good enough, that no one gives a fuck about what I have to say and that I won’t be successful. And those thoughts play on repeat on a daily basis – no catalyst required. They just come up, no matter what’s going on around me and no matter the number of people telling me I’m doing an amazing job. But here I am, writing a post about self-confidence. And doing my dang best to be completely honest about it.
I don’t want to give you any of that fluffy, useless advice we hear all the time. I don’t want to tell you to dress well, stand up straight, smile more, think happy thoughts and fake it till you make it. I think all of that advice is complete BS. Being more confident is not as simple as flicking a switch. There’s no quick and easy answer.
We’re talking about changing thoughts and beliefs that have been hardwired into our brains over a matter of years, if not decades. It takes hard work to improve your self-confidence. It's about practicing it.
It’s our thoughts that create confidence, not our results. I know, I know, I know – it really feels like our results create our confidence. We always think things like ‘I’ll have more self-confidence when I have a better body’, ‘I’ll have more self-confidence when I ace that exam’, ‘I’ll have more self-confidence when I have a boyfriend’, ‘I’ll have more self-confidence when I get a job offer’.
And sometimes we do feel more confident after those things happen, but that’s not because those events made us more confident. It’s because we gave ourselves permission to feel confident after those events happened. It really is our thoughts that create our confidence because, quite often, achieving those things doesn’t lead to the self-confidence we hoped for and expected. We’ve achieved what we wanted to achieve, but we’re still thinking the same thoughts as before, so we still don’t feel confident. Those achievements just bring up new fears and doubts. And then we set our sights further into the future, pinning our self-confidence on some new result – an even better body, an even better exam result, a more loving boyfriend, an even better job.
And that’s not because I have no self-confidence. Actually, quite the contrary. I honestly do believe I can achieve anything I truly want to achieve, and nothing is off limits. But my god, it’s so easy to forget all of that when I’m going about my day-to-day life. It’s so easy to let fear and self-doubt completely consume my thoughts.
MY STRUGGLE WITH SELF-DOUBT
This isn’t the first time I’m writing about self-doubt. Despite being surrounded by an overwhelming amount of evidence that I shouldn’t doubt myself, I still do. I let myself entertain the idea that I’m not good enough, that no one gives a fuck about what I have to say and that I won’t be successful. And those thoughts play on repeat on a daily basis – no catalyst required. They just come up, no matter what’s going on around me and no matter the number of people telling me I’m doing an amazing job. But here I am, writing a post about self-confidence. And doing my dang best to be completely honest about it.
THE TRUTH ABOUT SELF-CONFIDENCE
I don’t want to give you any of that fluffy, useless advice we hear all the time. I don’t want to tell you to dress well, stand up straight, smile more, think happy thoughts and fake it till you make it. I think all of that advice is complete BS. Being more confident is not as simple as flicking a switch. There’s no quick and easy answer.
We’re talking about changing thoughts and beliefs that have been hardwired into our brains over a matter of years, if not decades. It takes hard work to improve your self-confidence. It's about practicing it.
CONFIDENCE COMES FROM OUR THOUGHTS
It’s our thoughts that create confidence, not our results. I know, I know, I know – it really feels like our results create our confidence. We always think things like ‘I’ll have more self-confidence when I have a better body’, ‘I’ll have more self-confidence when I ace that exam’, ‘I’ll have more self-confidence when I have a boyfriend’, ‘I’ll have more self-confidence when I get a job offer’.
And sometimes we do feel more confident after those things happen, but that’s not because those events made us more confident. It’s because we gave ourselves permission to feel confident after those events happened. It really is our thoughts that create our confidence because, quite often, achieving those things doesn’t lead to the self-confidence we hoped for and expected. We’ve achieved what we wanted to achieve, but we’re still thinking the same thoughts as before, so we still don’t feel confident. Those achievements just bring up new fears and doubts. And then we set our sights further into the future, pinning our self-confidence on some new result – an even better body, an even better exam result, a more loving boyfriend, an even better job.
If we want more self-confidence, we have to work on our thoughts and not on our appearance. It’s our thoughts that determine whether we feel confident.
How could I write this blog post without mentioning my fave topic – perfectionism. I think most perfectionists are pretty familiar with fear and self-doubt. As perfectionists, we feel like we’re never doing enough and we’ll never be enough, no matter how successful our life looks from the outside. And it’s pretty hard to feel confident when you believe that! Part of improving my self-confidence has been learning how to let go of the need for my life to look perfect, but it hasn’t been easy.
CONFIDENCE AND PERFECTIONISM
How could I write this blog post without mentioning my fave topic – perfectionism. I think most perfectionists are pretty familiar with fear and self-doubt. As perfectionists, we feel like we’re never doing enough and we’ll never be enough, no matter how successful our life looks from the outside. And it’s pretty hard to feel confident when you believe that! Part of improving my self-confidence has been learning how to let go of the need for my life to look perfect, but it hasn’t been easy.
I want you to imagine what your life would look and feel like if you felt confident. I want you to imagine how different it would be. I want you to imagine the amazing things you’d be able to achieve. What could be more important than investing the time and effort in yourself to create those results in your life? Confidence isn’t something we’re born with, it’s something we learn. It's something we should practice. And support people who are on their self-confidence journey as well.
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